I will do it anyway.

I jumped into this year in full swing. I've starting sharing my music and growing my music instruction business. I fell in love with music when I was 8, and I started teaching when I was 16. So in a way, none of this is new. Yet the way that I'm approaching musicianship is entirely new. It's obedient, honest, and vulnerable in a way that it's never been before.

I feel like the inward and outward parts of me are starting to line up.

That's a good feeling, but that didn't just happen. This point was a few, long years in the making. It wasn't sudden, and it wasn't easy.

Being Broken

2020: The year that everything I was doing halted and got redirected. The year God resurrected creativity in me. The year my business dissolved. The year I rededicated myself to motherhood. The year I was excited and heartbroke all at the same time. The year I thought would only last one year, but actually continued on for three.

Yes, I was thrown off my axis for a while. God had begun exciting things in me, broken other parts of me, and then just left it all to sit quietly unresolved for a while. In that long season, I saw no use for anything I had to offer. I knew God had made me to be the way that I am, but I often wondered why He bothered. What is the point of me being musical? Creative? Innovative? Who even cares?

But I eventually stopped fighting with these kinds of questions. I just got still and accepted God's invitation to listen.

I experienced the reality of His love right where I'm at - not hinging upon who I should become.

Being Loved

I heard Him say "the seed matters". That it was never about the performance. It was never about how impressively I could bloom. It was always just about being the seed He created. That's always been enough. It just took me a long time to see that for myself.

I heard Him invite me to worship, dance, sing, and rejoice even (and especially) when no one is watching.

...Because if it's not about the performance, then there's no need for it to be reserved for just Sunday mornings.

I literally prayed at the piano. I read my Bible there. I asked God questions there. And there, I wrote music that really didn't come from me.

Being Small

I've been musical my whole life. But it wasn't until then that I felt music coming from me that is much bigger than I am. It wasn't crafted. It didn't involve writing techniques or strategies. No, it just happened. Over and over again, it happened, as I wrote song after song. They all made me feel wonderfully...small. It made me realize that I am a writer. But not simply because I like to write, but because God made me to do it for Him. So I will do it.

I sat with that reality for a while, not having the courage to say it out loud or move toward it. And it made me wonder who that means I am as a teacher. What about the business I had lost? What about the teaching dreams I had once had? Can I even be a person who is both creative and instructive?

Eventually God permitted me to get back up, so that's what I did. I started teaching again. I met wonderful students with dreams and questions of their own. We learned together how they could become more of themselves - more of who God made them to be - by growing musically. I saw one learn to trust herself more as a person, and it was beyond beautiful. I saw one have the courage to sing in Church for the first time ever. I got in the trenches with another as she became a confident and capable worship leader. I shared the gospel with one as we worked on his songwriting.

These beautiful students reminded me how instinctive teaching is to me. And more importantly, they helped me see that teaching is giving. Teaching is serving. That's something that never really clicked for me before. This is my calling to equip other people, invest in them, and give them value and momentum lesson after lesson. I learned that it's much bigger than a job. It's bigger than a business even.

It's something God made me to do for other people. So I will do it.

Being Called

A love for teaching and a knack for creating - two arms under the same umbrella. Two things I've been afraid of at one time or another. Two things God brought full circle anyway and said "Yes, you will." Because these two things are things God placed in my soul. It's just taken me a long time to truly see His thumbprint there and realize that these are not just hobbies to choose or deny. Because really, they're...ME. They're who He designed when He made me. So choosing these two things is choosing obedience.

It's choosing to step fully into His design of me.

He has purposed them both, so I will do them both.

Being Honest

I began by saying 'I started this year in full swing', and that's true. Yet even in full swing, I do pause. I do wonder what will come of my effort as a musician and business owner. I wonder if it's too late for me to do anything important.

That's when I have to remind myself that "important" is a moving target. And that the only thing I can really aspire to do is keep taking the next step God puts in front of me. I can't please people. I may not make music that's heard by many. And even on the business side, a "successful" business will always come down to things much less measurable than numbers.

But I can do my absolute best to please God. I can with complete assurance say that my music is heard by Him. With my whole heart, I can invest in the students God puts in my path. I can love them and pray for them. I can equip them with the best music skill I have to offer. So with my eyes on the things I know, I keep moving.

I've decided 2023 will be the year I don't choose one part of me. This is the year I embrace the fullness of who God wired me to be. It's the year I get used to being uncomfortable. It's the year I become vulnerable enough to say,

"This is who God made when He made me."

"You may or may not like her. And that's okay:

"I am a wife. I mother passionately.

"I am a musician. I write music, often accidentally.

"I am a teacher. I invest in students and I get a front row seat to their story.

"I am a child of God. And because of that alone, I will step fully into these things."

Even though I am 30. Even though I am afraid. Even though I feel like I have so much to do in so little time. I will do it anyway.

Being His

Now I get to ask you: Who did God make when He made you? Have you stepped fully into that person? Have you been still a while and looked for the clues that point toward His design of you? Are you leaning into the unique gifts He gave you? Whatever it is He made you to do, it is important. It is purposed.

In Him, YOU are purposed.

And did you know that He loves you right where you're at right now? Even if you don't have a clue what "purposed" looks like for you. Did you know that you don't have to prove anything or achieve anything in order to be fully loved? So even if you're standing in the middle of the unresolved right now, it won't be wasted. Because God wastes nothing. So sit. Listen. Pursue Him. He has a way of taking care of the rest.

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Hey, I'm Jenny. I songwrite, perform, and teach. I help singers break through vocal barriers, rock auditions, and become one-take vocalists. I love making great singing easier and more attainable than you thought it could be. This blog is my place to dig into vocal technique and unpack what it takes to connect and communicate honestly with an audience.

Everything about my musicianship and teaching is outside-the-box, instinctive, and fun. That's what makes this such a great place to hang out. I invite you to stay a while, check out my music, and see how this blog can impact your vocal skills and refresh your love for performing.